Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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