forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
