right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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