i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
