ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
