Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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