And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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