Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize