Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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