Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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