hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
