I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
