just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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