so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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