A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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