if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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