We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
