Me. At least after what I've been through.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
