I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
