The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
