I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
