You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i now understand why vodka
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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