Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
