My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
