if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
