i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
