I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
smell my finger.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
