i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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