Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
