You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My ATM looks so different sober.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
