Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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