Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
