I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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