The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
