Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
