you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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