you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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