I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
