So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
