So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
