sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
