Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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