Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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