how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
