i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
