I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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