At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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