I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
