my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
