My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize