Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
