I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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