I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
