Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
