It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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