I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize