Can i not drive my cunt home
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
