I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
