I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
