im drinking this country out of the recession.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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