And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize