I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
