wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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