I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
