There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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