i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
