oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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