Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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