new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize